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So my best mate said "You will never guess what happened to me?"...

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    I said "What?"
    He said "Well I made a real Freudian slip the other day. I went to buy a train ticket and the girl behind the counter had massive tits. So instead of saying 'Can I have a return to Nottingham' I actually said 'Can I have a return to TITerington' I felt like such an idiot!"
    "No way!" I said "A similar thing happened to me this morning. I was eating breakfast with the wife and what I meant to say was 'Pass me the salt' and what I actually said was 'You, you fucking bitch you ruined my life'"

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    ...because after 10 years of meth use I can't remember either.